It has been brought to my attention that my posts are too long and do not contain enough food-related material. Allow me to revise my approach:
Fall Salsa #2:
See Fall Salsa
Replace apples with pears (or just add pears)
Fuck you.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Fiancee Chili
I fucking hate school. I hate that I hate school because I love learning, but I chose the wrong thing to study and I'm almost done so I keep going. I don't know how I do it. When I wake up I am still 6 years old. I throw a fit everyday. Like, hit snooze until my finger is gangrenous and cry real tears fits. When I remember that I have to go to school in the morning it feels like I'm in a hand drawn Disney flick on a warm cloud made of Sigur Ros songs and cherub cheeks, and all I taste is cherry coke because I have cherry coke flavored spit (with real sugar, none of that high fucktose shit), but some fucking school goblin shits in my eyes and sends me to a football field in Texas where I have to watch my parents and cats being tortured by just out of reach social security checks and a pool of liquid disappointment filled with surfing mice stuffed with laser pointers.
I've always hated school. I liked Fridays more than Sundays because it was the longest possible time until more school. Sundays felt like a prank. You have the whole day off, but you can't enjoy it because you know you have to go back to being a part of what might as well be Vietnam circa 1968. If god exists, he is a dumb dick. He is a bully and he is bad at pranks.
I express pretty regularly that I don't believe in an afterlife. I choose to use those specific words because as much as I disbelieve in a creator, I attempt not to share that opinion to spare any believer from aggrivation, and commenting on an afterlife feels less intense. "I don't believe in an afterlife." - not so bad. "I don't believe in god." - kind of upsetting. With that being said, I'm pretty certain that there is no god. You want to know why? because school sucks. It sucks so bad.
There are a lot of fucking reasons to hate school, especially a community college, but one reason I fucking hate it here is the cafeteria. There is not one piece of fruit in there. They have salads. They are eight dollars and contain cubes of meat, but they have salads. The only thing worse than meat is cubed meat. I want to know how the fuck it exists. I want to know how we, as sentient beings, so willingly detatch ourselves from reality just to be comfortable with ingesting pretty much fucking anything. Nothing of what you eat is real. It's all a derivative of food. Do you NOT UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING WEIRD THAT IS? I think of it like cocaine. Lets say you were an avid drug user and your normal dealer wasn't available. You get shit cocaine from another drug dealer that cut it with whatever drug dealers cut cocaine with and you are so pissed and hopped up on shitty cocaine that you fucking rip out his veins. So why wouldn't you rip out the veins of the fuckers cutting your meat with shit that is not meat? Cubed meat is not meat. They take animal flesh, grind it with other animal flesh and puke until it is a fucking slurry. Then they add weird fucking shit like isolated soy protein, carageenan, modified food starch, and sodium nitrite and roll it into a ball so it no longer resembles an animal to save you from any human emotion that might creep up when you think about eating cute things. Sodium nitrite is a fucking carcinogen by the way. What the fuck?
Why don't you just pick the cubes out of the salad? A) because I'm not paying eight dollars for a pesticide and carcass residue riddled salad. B) because I will not support the company that provides that disgusting shit or the school that doesn't give a shit.
While I do have some recipes reserved for when I have some time, right now I don't have time to make them. My beliefs are pretty fucking robust when it comes to having enough time to make healthful meals. You can take twenty minutes from whatever dumb endeavor you've deemed important to chop up a carrot, onions and brussel sprouts, cook them, toast a piece of bread, and shove an open faced sandwich inside of your alarmingly overused oral pleasure hole, but seriously... going to school and work full time is nuts. It's ... I can't think of anything because I'm so exhausted from going to school and work. 8am til 12am (includes travel time)... but that's real shit.
Luckily, my fucking precious significant other who makes life worth living also makes me dinner EVERY fucking night that I get home late.
I'm not going to share a recipe. It's like chili. Beans, tomatoes, onions, peppers. It's delicious, but I'm a glutton and I always want to eat at least three dinners at once, so I made some shitty sides to go with it. I RARELY eat like this. it's almost laughable. I'm pretty sure that most American's would consider this a healthful meal. I just made myself sad. I don't even know why I'm still typing. I don't even want to post this anymore. I'm going to go cry enough tears to ferment and drink until I die from sadness poisoning.
I'm not joking. Pets are the path to world peace.
Peace.
I've always hated school. I liked Fridays more than Sundays because it was the longest possible time until more school. Sundays felt like a prank. You have the whole day off, but you can't enjoy it because you know you have to go back to being a part of what might as well be Vietnam circa 1968. If god exists, he is a dumb dick. He is a bully and he is bad at pranks.
I express pretty regularly that I don't believe in an afterlife. I choose to use those specific words because as much as I disbelieve in a creator, I attempt not to share that opinion to spare any believer from aggrivation, and commenting on an afterlife feels less intense. "I don't believe in an afterlife." - not so bad. "I don't believe in god." - kind of upsetting. With that being said, I'm pretty certain that there is no god. You want to know why? because school sucks. It sucks so bad.
There are a lot of fucking reasons to hate school, especially a community college, but one reason I fucking hate it here is the cafeteria. There is not one piece of fruit in there. They have salads. They are eight dollars and contain cubes of meat, but they have salads. The only thing worse than meat is cubed meat. I want to know how the fuck it exists. I want to know how we, as sentient beings, so willingly detatch ourselves from reality just to be comfortable with ingesting pretty much fucking anything. Nothing of what you eat is real. It's all a derivative of food. Do you NOT UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING WEIRD THAT IS? I think of it like cocaine. Lets say you were an avid drug user and your normal dealer wasn't available. You get shit cocaine from another drug dealer that cut it with whatever drug dealers cut cocaine with and you are so pissed and hopped up on shitty cocaine that you fucking rip out his veins. So why wouldn't you rip out the veins of the fuckers cutting your meat with shit that is not meat? Cubed meat is not meat. They take animal flesh, grind it with other animal flesh and puke until it is a fucking slurry. Then they add weird fucking shit like isolated soy protein, carageenan, modified food starch, and sodium nitrite and roll it into a ball so it no longer resembles an animal to save you from any human emotion that might creep up when you think about eating cute things. Sodium nitrite is a fucking carcinogen by the way. What the fuck?
Why don't you just pick the cubes out of the salad? A) because I'm not paying eight dollars for a pesticide and carcass residue riddled salad. B) because I will not support the company that provides that disgusting shit or the school that doesn't give a shit.
While I do have some recipes reserved for when I have some time, right now I don't have time to make them. My beliefs are pretty fucking robust when it comes to having enough time to make healthful meals. You can take twenty minutes from whatever dumb endeavor you've deemed important to chop up a carrot, onions and brussel sprouts, cook them, toast a piece of bread, and shove an open faced sandwich inside of your alarmingly overused oral pleasure hole, but seriously... going to school and work full time is nuts. It's ... I can't think of anything because I'm so exhausted from going to school and work. 8am til 12am (includes travel time)... but that's real shit.
Luckily, my fucking precious significant other who makes life worth living also makes me dinner EVERY fucking night that I get home late.
I'm not going to share a recipe. It's like chili. Beans, tomatoes, onions, peppers. It's delicious, but I'm a glutton and I always want to eat at least three dinners at once, so I made some shitty sides to go with it. I RARELY eat like this. it's almost laughable. I'm pretty sure that most American's would consider this a healthful meal. I just made myself sad. I don't even know why I'm still typing. I don't even want to post this anymore. I'm going to go cry enough tears to ferment and drink until I die from sadness poisoning.
Yes, I seriously ate this garbage.
Yes, it's fucking "vegan".
That "cheese" is made from fucking almonds.
and you fucking know I used all those sauces.
(I probably drink a lot of cat food and butt particles because my cats LOVE my water. They have plenty of water in their bowls, but it is not the same as water on a coffee table. See second photo.)
Now I'm going to go eat more junk since it took me an hour to write this because my other cat stopped to hang out on my chest and lead me to spiritual enlightenment.
I'm not joking. Pets are the path to world peace.
Peace.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)