Dessert for breakfast.

I don't really like fruit... or I didn't until recently...

I've never really been hungry and thought, "a fucking piece of fruit would hit the spot right now." Yet for the last few years I usually forced a banana or apple down my throat (insert typical ignorant remark here) just so I didn't feel like I was starving on the drive to school or work.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," You will say without actually thinking about it, and then follow up that thought with, "it gets your metabolism going." Again, without having any real knowledge of how your metabolism works or what it means. None of this is wrong, you're just doing it wrong. Breakfast is important, but you don't need to make it a meal in the modern sense of the word. So what is the answer?

Smoothies.

I'm not a fan of poking fun of sexual orientation, but smoothies are the gayest fucking thing you could make. So what? For some reason that banana I didn't care to eat in the morning tastes AMAZING after it's blended with some berries and an apple. I don't understand the science behind it, but I think of it like combining King of Queens and True Blood. Both of those shows fucking suck. Together, it would probably be a lot more interesting. I could easily come up with 20 simple smoothie recipes, which, at some point I may, but for now, here is a very simple smoothie that will make you question whether or not you like dick.

A Fucking Smoothie

1 banana
1 apple (preferably organic. They do weird shit to apples)
1/2 a handful blueberries
1/2 an orange (peeled, ya nincompoop)
some water (don't fucking ask me about milk or yogurt. It's gross. I know, I know... what about almond, coconut, hemp, rice, flax, etc milk? They put weird shit in that too. Make your own flax milk and then we can talk.)

Blend that shit! Add water until you have your desired thickness. I put a ton in. I want to drink it, not eat it. I have found that if you start with a banana, you can throw in any other fruit in any other quantity and it's going to be good.

Things to consider adding because they are super good for you:

Flax seeds(ground, your body doesn't break down whole flax well, apparently.)
Chia seeds (not ground, these will form a gel around the outside of the seed when it is submerged in liquid.)
Ginger
lime and other citrus
Greens (you will not see any veggie smoothies on this website. I eat a fuck ton of vegetables, I don't drink them unless someone else juiced them for me. Oh yea, I don't make my own juice. While it is SUPER good for you, it is a pain in the fucking ass.)

Why are these things good for you? Ask me later. No, seriously, I will totally give you quick, informed answers.