Grocery shopping

I initially intended for this to be a SUPER SIMPLE recipe for an avocado snack, but food photographs so fucking well that I had to make this a post on its own.

I had a long description typed out about working in produce, my history with food, and how I came to appreciate it all, but I remembered that nobody gives a fuck. I'm not trying to brag, like... hey look at how fucking healthy I am, but I DO stop at my refrigerator during a tour of my apartment and say, "and here is what a fridge is suppose to look like." I'm just kidding. I just thought of it, but now I will totally be saying that if I get the opportunity to give someone a tour of my apartment.

I usually shop twice a week on my break at Whole Foods. Well, I shop pretty much every day I work, but it's just a few things here and there. Since the majority of my food is super perishable, it only makes sense. Plus, I don't really have time to stand looking at the weird ingredients in a fake log of meat while I'm on break, so I buy what I am comfortable with- products that have minimal ingredients and, of course, PRODUCE:

What really needs to be noted is how beautiful this shit looks. 

Turnip is another one of those words that has a foul ring to it that sticks with you from childhood. Only grandparents eat turnips, right? Fuck you. Fuck that. Look at this fucking thing! Why the fuck doesn't everyone buy a turnip every time they shop? It looks like a seductive painting of the perfect piece of candy forged by hands made of baby innocence.

and what the fuck is this thing? It's a squash. You are thinking, "but that doesn't look like a butternut squash to me...". That's because there are other fucking squash besides butternut. This is a delicata. It's suppose to be tasty as hell. Not only that, but this thing looks super cool. That's why I bought it.

This is celery root. I don't have a clue what I'm suppose to do with this, but they sell it for you to eat surrounded by foods that are delicious. By my superior skills of deduction, that means it's going to rule.

Grocery stores can be intimidating. Especially the produce department. Go to the store when you aren't rushed. Look at ingredients. Ask questions. Make fun of the produce posers (there are seriously people who will squeeze and listen to fruit that you can tell is ripe or not by glancing at it).

aaaaand the internet is amazing. In the last two minutes I was able to look up nutrition information and ways to cook celery root. I fucking swear that you can do this kind of thing too. They have a lot of different search engines out there, but google is pretty well received.

I assume anyone reading this is an adult... so act like it and go buy some produce.

I'm going to sleep.